Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Likable? Me?

It seems apparent to me (and I hope I may say this without even a whiff of hubris) that there is something particularly endearing, attractive, or fascinating about my person, sufficient to attract the continued friendly relations of a great number of diverse peoples with whom I may have much or absolutely nothing in common. I write this in a somewhat bewildered state, for I do not have a great deal of regard for my communicative skills. Indeed, I do not think I am particularly witty or original or versed in social commentaries. I'm not very fond of myself; why should others be? In short, I have not much to bring to the table besides an eager laugh and a hideously large mouth. For all my self-deprecation, I do talk about myself rather a lot. Also, I am overly critical of others and always have several complaints on the tip of my tongue. How is it, then, that I happen to be the target, at times most unwillingly, of any person with half a mind to converse? And I do mean that quite literally.

It must be said, in the interest of any self-proclaimed womanizers (and I happen to know for a fact that it would be a point of pride for those insensitive, half-witted, macho types) that I have, without a doubt, an appreciably large bust, of the variety that garners wolf-whistles, horn-soundings, gawks, and all manner of unpleasant and uneducated, sexually explicit remarks, which are, quite plainly, an affront of human decency. And so I may assume that perhaps half my acquaintances only speak to me as an excuse to oggle my bosom, or that is the reason our dialogue was originally opened. This does not, however, account for the remarkable number of perfectly heterosexual females with whom I converse on a regular basis - indeed, who appear, to all extents, to really enjoy my company.

I am, dear readers, if I have got any, without exaggeration, flabbergasted, floored, astonished, astounded, and, most particularly, flattered. But my question to you, if there's any "you" to speak to, is, "What, to your knowledge, could induce such a severe miscarriage of judgement, or perhaps, what, that I am unaware of, could make my company or conversation the smallest bit interesting, enlightening, or otherwise of a desirable nature?"

Readers, audience, fellow bloggers, if any English-speaking person on the planet is reading this, you are my only hope for honesty and understanding, for my friends, or so I like to call them, have the audacity to persist in telling me that I am sweet, intelligent, or amusing in response to my queries.

Well, I have now got to go to the loo quite urgently, which is not surprising considering the volume of caffeinated beverages I consume in a very small space of time. So, once again, I bid you adieu! I suggest you now enjoy the caffeinated beverage of your choice, unless you intend to go to bed after a hard night's web-surfing, or web-slinging in the case of Mr. Parker (of whom, incidentally, I am very fond).

But I digress, as I am wont to do, and is, indeed, my eccentricity of choice. If you have suffered through my ramblings, you have my thanks, whatever that is worth, and I beg your pardon. So goodnight, good morning, good afternoon, or good luck! (Delete inappropriate well-wishings as necessary).

8 comments:

Ben said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hollywood.Is.Dead said...

You're not that bad. I mean, from what i can read, you're not delusional, have big breast AND theres the added bonus that you do not sound, nor write like a disgustingly pedophilic adult harboring a eight year-old in her broom cupboard.
I'd say you're good enough.

Brett said...

Loved the post, if people like you, you have to trust in their judgement. If they are your friends then you have to trust your judgement, that you chose people who are at least close to sane.

johnrm89 said...

Hi, i think people enjoy your company coz you got a great diction. I mean your use of words is fantastic and amusing.

~im just only me~ said...

Well, it certainly beats the hell out of me. You seem to be a thoroughly and utterly dislikable person, without humor and, much to my chagrin, a perfectly aweful writer (sometimes terribly dull people can atone by having an uncannily enjoyable and engaging turn of the pen... rather unfortunately this is not your case). That being said, therefore, i, like you, am quite interested in the reasons that some, hopefully in the near future, will give concerning your dilemma. But then im no judge of characters, written or otherwise...
;)

Nanette said...

Hi. You sound young. You'll outgrow much of this self-centredness. On the whole, people could care less who you are -- a sad reality -- but, on the upside, we live in a remarkable world where people like you can talk to people like me -- and share a modicum of understanding. Forget your breasts -- only predators will bother with them. Get some real thinking done -- blog your thoughts -- and you'll be worth talking to.

chaosafflicted said...

My thoughts on the issue of why you wonder if people like you are that maybe you are really self conciouse about yourself? Maybe not! It's hard to judge character from afar and reading your blog for the first time. I'm sure that you have many attributes that people like. I know that I certainly enjoyed your blog, although I'm not quitew sure why myself. There was something intriuging that kept me reading on. I'd say that it takes courage for anyone to put themselves out there and their thoughts for others to read. You sound sane enough for this chaotic life o'mine.

DBCoopernicus said...

I wish you well. Loved reading your post. We're all a little crazy and there's nothing wrong with that. I'll stop back again.