Friday, May 22, 2009

In Which I Give Up a Little, You Heartless Jerkwads

Laziness triumphs! Oh, I am a ridiculous procrastinator. I even leave things I like till the last minute. But I did scribble some things down last night while watching The Mummy. So I shall just incorporate last night's scribblings into today's blog and voila! I am such a clever slacker.

I love The Mummy. It's the epitome of popcorn entertainment, combining elements of Evil Dead, Romancing the Stone, and Around the World in Eighty Days. It is so Action Perfect Get On, it makes me salivate.

The actiony bits are so delightful and gripping because we care about the characters, and their struggle seems real and vastly important.

Now, for all my obsession with philosophical discussions, subtext, metaphors, and so on, I like explosions an awful lot. And one day I am going to write the ultimate action thriller. Zombies are the obvious choice, possibly vampires. But a dream I have cherished since I was a small child enthralled by the comedic stylings of Robin Williams is to remake Jumanji in a more realistic vein - as a truly frightening experience.

The key to a great thriller is knowing when to flip the switch. The greatest thing about Evil Dead 2, one of my favourite films ever, is that the audience is laughing their collective ass off right before they jump outta their seats. The combination of comedy and action or horror makes the experience ten times more exciting, because if they're laughing their heads off, the switch is a shock, and therefore that much more thrilling (unlike my blogging, which seems to be terminally dull. I mean, really, who do you have to lay to get some attention on the internet? It's not like real life. You don't actually have to be talented. I'm missing something important. Yes. YES this is too self-aware. YES I know one needs to be likable, which I am not. YES I want attention. Look at me look at me look at me! I have a hole in my soul which needs to be filled by a multitude of adoring fans!).

Alright, look, I'm gonna level with you. I just ran out of steam and my sunburn is in the itchy stage. If you are reading my blog, you obviously need a life. Put on your leather trousers and set out to seek your fortune.